A couple of weeks ago me and Miss G moved into a shiny new flat. Whilst the flat is great we inherited a charity shop’s worth of furniture that we didn’t need and the landlord, who randomly lives in Bogota, said we could get rid of. Now half of the furniture was beyond grim and there is no way we could have lived with ourselves if we had tried to sell it to anyone. It was that bad that when the letting agent was showing us round he sat down  on one of the three sofas in the front room  and when he stood up he had a huge stain on his shirt. In case you are about to email me with an offer I’m afraid that particular collectable item went to the Council. The rest of the furniture, including two double beds, two cabin beds, one sofa bed, a single mattress and a coffee table, went on Gumtree.

I’d never used Gumtree before and didn’t want to rip people off so nothing was put on for more than £50. In fact most of the stuff we put on was for £15 or less. I’ve managed to sell one double bed and a cabin bed so far, which is great. What isn’t great is the amount of timewasters who say they are going to turn up and then don’t. I don’t mind if people decide they don’t want the stuff, we don’t so I wouldn’t begrudge anyone who decides they don’t want our unwanted crap. What does hack me off is telling me you will take something and then not turning up. I think at the last count there are about six people who have not bothered turning up. All I’d say is cheers and I hope you get a bunch of time wasting arsewits trying to buy your stuff the next time you try and sell something. I just wish I had your names so I could name and shame you cretinous muppets.

A special mention though goes to the guy who came to collect an all in one, metal double sofa bed in a chuffing sports car. I mean c’mon he wouldn’t even have got a pillow in his boot. To then say he didn’t want it after shaking like he was simulating an earthquake and complaining it rattled was the icing on a shit filled cake. What the hell did you expect for £10? It certainly wasn’t the deluxe four poster, golden goose down sofa bed that I suspect South London’s number one moron was after.